Why the pain? #6 How your brain makes pain worse

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“It hurts because it matters.” John Green

 

There are two ways that we extend and amplify our pain and suffering.

We use our memory or we use our imagination. 

 

We use our memory to remember the painful things that happened in the past. When we think about what happened we experience that pain again. We also use our imagination to create pain in the future. We do this when we think about a negative painful outcome of a future event. Both the pain we remember from the past and the pain we create in the future we experience in the present. This means it affects the way we act, feel, think and even believe today. It doesn't matter if it happened a long time ago and it doesn't matter if it hasn't happened yet -  we experience the pain as real.

 

Memory - Past

Imagination - Future

Experience - Present

 

When we remember painful events from the past we also use our imagination to fill in the blanks. The blanks are all those things we have to make up. All the reasons we imagine things happened to us. Why a person had to treat us badly or why a certain event happened to us. When you use your imagination to create negative reasons you amplify and extend the pain.

 

When you use your imagination to create a painful future and you think about that future again and again -  it becomes a memory. You are remembering the negative future you already imagined. And feeling the pain, doubt and fear every time you do.

 

So what can we do about this. The most powerful tool you can use to change this is your awareness. Become aware of all the negative ways you fill in the blanks of the past and all the negative outcomes you imagine for the future. 

 

We cannot change the past but we can change the meaning of the past. 

 

If you use your imagination to give negative meaning to events you can also use it to create the positive. Use your imagination to create a positive outcome in the future even when things go wrong. It is not about being unrealistic, because let's face it things can go wrong. It is about imagining the ACTION you'll take when things go wrong, instead of being paralyzed by fear and doubt. Now, when you think about the future you remember the actions you'll take. This changes the way you act, think, feel and believe in the present.

 

To put it another way when you realise that you have no control of the past and the future it frees you up to take full control and responsibility of the present.Which you do have control over. When you learn how to do this more often you actually learn how to change the meaning of the past and your outlook on the future.